The Effects of Us Nurturing Our Children Correctly

Our pious predecessors nurtured their children with good habits,

excellent character and good etiquettes, which also produced a

positive effect on the child.

Once, Hadhrat Abdullah bin Umar’s رضي الله عنه

grandson was seated next to him when a visitor came to meet him

and posed the following question: “What is the penalty for killing a


“Who are you and where did you come from?” Hadhrat

Abdullah رضي الله عنه

had lost his vision in both eyes at that time. The visitor

introduced himself and revealed that he was from Iraq.

Hadhrat Abdullah رضي الله عنه told him: “You do not ask about the penalty

for killing Nabi’s صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَم

grandson in the plains of Karbala, but you query

about the penalty for killing a mosquito?” The visitor became

infuriated and glared at Hadhrat Abdullah _.

Hadhrat Abdullah’s _ grandson upon witnessing this

commented to his grandfather:

نظروا إليك بأعين محمرّة نظر الذليل إلى العزيز القاهر

They are staring at you with bloodshot eyes like how a disgraced inferior

person will glare at his superior.

The grandson graphically captured the scene to his grandfather.

This was the level of intelligence and discernment of children who

were reared with the correct understanding of deen.


When Mahmood Ghaznawy came to India, he took a Hindu

youngster and raised him in a princely manner. He taught him the

royal etiquettes, the manner of addressing people, the way of

conducting oneself in the royal court, etc. When this was

accomplished, Hadhrat Ghaznawy crowned him as the royal prince.


At this point, the youngster began crying. When questioned in this

regard, he said: “My mother had always instilled the fear of

Mahmood in my heart. The cruelty of Mahmood was continuously

bandied around, such, that the children used to tremble at the very

mention of his name. If only my mother was still alive, then I would

have told her that Mahmood was not evil, but a kind person and he

has raised me in a manner that they would not have been able to

accomplish. This is why I am crying.”


Our pious predecessors imparted deen to their children

practically. The children observed the manner in which they were

leading their lives and learnt the correct etiquettes in every facet of

life; the sunnat manner of eating (washing our hands before

commencing to eat, reciting ‘Bismillah’ before eating, eating with the

right hand, drinking with the right hand in three sips, eating small

morsels of food, reciting ‘Alhamdulillah’ during the meals and after

drinking, etc.), the sunnat manner of wearing our clothes and the

masnoon du`aas to be recited on various occasions. In short, every

feature of their lives was led according to the teachings of Islam.

This is the very essence of rearing children and, if they are reared in

this manner, then they will become the flag-bearers of deen and a

source of guidance for all.

In contrast, if they are reared incorrectly, they will become a

source of grief and sorrow for their parents. Numerous parents have

complained to us about the insensitivity and downright arrogance

displayed by their children. Their attitude and mannerisms are

abhorrent. They do not desire to even talk to their parents, so much

so that, if the father enters the home, the child leaves the house in

order to avoid his company. If the child is raised correctly, then

he/she will respect and honour his/her parents and consider them

to be a boon from Allah Ta`ala.

Incorrect upbringing of children will result in our detriment in

this world and in the hereafter.

A certain youngster whose father is my friend, developed the

habit of stealing and pilfering. When he was caught and imprisoned,

his father announced that his son had passed away in order to

protect his honour.

Once, I asked a person whether he had attended to his children’s


“What can I do?” he wailed. “They have developed such bad

habits that I am even prepared to pay 100 000 rupees to someone

just to take them away from my sight.”

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This is the lamentable plight of today’s children. These very

children, who were supposed to be the comfort of our eyes, have

become the source of our grief and sorrow and, if we analyse this

situation objectively, we will realise that the fault invariably lies at

our feet. If they were brought up in the correct deeni environment,

they will naturally respect and honour their parents and the parents

as well will be compassionate towards them. Life will be pleasant

and trouble-free for everyone concerned.

But alas! We have not heeded the warnings of our pious elders

and our homes have been transformed into hellfire! When the

parents and the children have enmity for each other, the resultant

condition is the utter destruction of the family structure. The father

expels the son from the home and instructs every family member to

sever ties with him.

But the mother, because of her natural undying love for her child,

secretly arranges for the son to visit them when the father is not

around. Thus, the entire family structure is in tatters because of the

incorrect upbringing of the children.

If a warrant of arrest is issued – Allah Ta`ala forbid! – and the

child is thereafter incarcerated, how concerned do we not become

over this child’s plight? Every family member, relative, neighbour

and friend will endeavour to seek the child’s release from

imprisonment. But when this very same child develops evil habits,

then why is it that no one even blinks an eyelid at his actions?

Whereas the term of imprisonment for this crime is the fire of

Jahannum! Our primary concern should be to save our children from

the fire of Jahannum and, to achieve this, we need to communicate

with them and advise them with compassion and wisdom.

It is reported in a hadeeth that when the child reaches the age of

adolescence, he or she should be treated like a smaller brother or

sister. They should not be berated publicly or even within the

confines of the home and, when the child reaches a marriageable

age, then the parents must make the arrangements for their


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Thereafter, they should address him saying: “O my child!

Whatever rights you have over us, we have fulfilled it to the best of

our ability. Now you are married. May Allah Ta`ala save us from

the fitnah which may emanate from you.”

With regard to the relationship between siblings, the hadeeth

explicitly states that the elder brother enjoys the status of the father.

These concepts have to be instilled in the lives of our children. If the

correct Islamic ethos is not inculcated in our children, it will result in

the destruction and disgrace of the family honour which existed for

decades and, resultantly, the parents become ashamed of presenting

themselves in society because of their children’s actions.

A person does not unnecessarily amputate a troublesome or

infected limb. Similarly, the father cannot excommunicate his son or

daughter, but how does he interact with his child in a humane

manner? How does he exercise patience with these conflicting

conditions? All these types of problems are the direct result of

incorrect education and nurturing.

May Allah Ta`ala grant us all the

taufeeq to bring up our children correctly. Aameen.