The cure for grief and sorrow is not to think about it and not to discuss it. The grief will still remain but will become more balanced and harmless. In fact it will become beneficial, for grief too has its wisdom and benefits. If there were no such thing as grief, social relations would have suffered. Its explanation is as follows: It is a scientifically and medically proven fact that a faculty that is regularly used gains strength, otherwise it becomes weak. If there were no grief, the feeling of compassion would not have existed, with the result that it (compassion) would have become completely non-existent. Without compassion, no help would have been rendered to others. Without help being rendered to others, social relations would have become non-existent. So, there are benefits in grief and the character of a person is rectified through it. Thus, grief has its benefits for the individual and for others (as explained above).
If everyone were without grief and worry, no one would have done anything. If everyone remains healthy the doctors would have become redundant. This is the worldly benefit. The Deeni aspect is that if everyone was wealthy, who would Zakaah been given to? In short, grief is beneficial, but only the amount Allah has given. The extra that we have added is harmful.
To exceed the limits in grieving is a sin and it is such a sin that is completely without pleasure. It is Waajib to cure this malady.
Allah Ta’ala says in the Qur’aan:
مَا عِنْدَكُمْ يَنْفَدُ وَ مَا عِنْدَ اللهِ بَاق
Whatever is with you will be exhausted and whatever is with Allah will remain. (Surah Nahl)
This verse contains the cure for grief. This discussion is based on that instance when the grief is because of the loss of a beloved thing (or person). If the grieving person comes to know of a replacement to the lost object with conviction, a replacement that is thousands of times superior to the lost one, he will not grieve. For example, a person has one paisa (one cent) in his hand. Another person comes and grabs it from him but replaces it with a rupee.
Obviously he will not grieve for the one paisa (because the replacement is superior). In fact, if the person wishes to return the one paisa and retrieve the rupee, he will become displeased! This is the lesson taught to us in this verse i.e. although we love the things in our possession, but they are all of a temporal nature. Thus, we are instructed to focus our gaze on that which is better and eternal and not on the temporal things so that love for the temporal can be subdued. The actual cure for grief is to keep the gaze on the beloved things of the Aakhirah and not concentrate on the beloved things of the world. If this is done then the grief will be disproved.
A wonderful method of alleviating grief is to understand that the things by Allah (in the hereafter) are eternal and only they are worthy of our love and attachment. Also understand that when a person dies he also becomes included in مَا عِنْدَ اللهِ – that which is by Allah. First he was classified under مَا عِنْدَكُمْ – that which is by you. Now he has become immortal for there is no death after death. After death he has entered a better life. The first life was temporal and the second life is eternal. We should be more pleased with our loved one being with Allah (after death) than being with us.
A Bedouin understood this well and consoled Sayyidina ibni Abbaas t on the demise of his father Sayyidina Abbaas رضي الله عنه with the following words: “O ibni Abbaas! For making Sabr on the loss of the temporal you have received eternal reward. Abbaas (رضي الله عنه) was mortal and now has become immortal (he has entered into a superior realm). So, you haven’t been harmed, nor him, then why do you grieve?”
LIFE AFTER DEATH
Generally people think that when a person dies and he is placed in the Qabr (grave), he remains alone in that fearful place and that life there is ‘lifeless’. Friends! This is not so! There is great comfort for a Muslim there.
It is mentioned in the Hadeeth Shareef that the Arwaah (souls) come and meet and welcome him (the newly deceased). Also, relatives and family who passed away before him come and meet him. They ask him questions regarding their relatives (who they think are still living). If this newly deceased answers that so and so has already passed away, they express their grief and say that that person has entered Jahannam otherwise he would have definitely met us. The Arwaah become saddened at that person’s entry into Jahannam. Anyway, the Arwaah meet each other and become happy. People think that after death one will just lie lifeless and useless! Laa Haula wa Laa Quwwata illaa Billaah!
Behold! Qabr is not merely that hole. The hole is the external and visible form. In reality Qabr is the name of Aalam e Barzakh – the realm of Barzakh. There, they meet each other and it is a meeting of the pure.
People get separated in the world. A worker obtains leave and returns home to stay with his family. On completion of his leave he returns to his place of employment and gets separated again. On the other hand, in the Aalam e Barzakh the togetherness and companionship doesn’t come to an end. There is comfort upon comfort there. The problem arises due to people being unaware of the reality of death, resulting in an unwarranted fear, whereas Maut (death) is a bridge by which one meets the Beloved i.e. Allah Ta’aala! What can be better than meeting Allah Ta’aala? For this very reason do the Ahlullah long for death. Ask them regarding the reality of death! A Hadeeth says: اَلـْمَوْتُ تُـحْفَةُ الْمُؤْمِنِ Death is a gift unto a believer.
If the ruler of Hyderabad sends a gift to a person, isn’t it a shame if the recipient’s family cries and laments on such an occasion? What I am referring to here is deliberate and intentional grief and not natural and uncontrollable grief which occurs at the time of separation. There is no harm in natural grief. To deliberately bring back memories of sorrow for the purpose of increasing the grief is wrong and evil. In fact a person should rather ponder over the above-mentioned points with the intention of decreasing the grief.
This world compared to the Aakhirah is like the womb of the mother. For as long as the baby remains in the womb, it considers the womb to be everything. Even if the baby is told to leave the narrow confines of the womb and enter the spacious world, it will not believe and will still consider the womb to be everything. Eventually, when the baby does emerge from the womb, it now sees the world and realizes that the womb is insignificant compared to the world. If the baby is told to re-enter the womb it will refuse and never accept to go back. In the same way, this world compared to the Aakhirah is absolutely narrow and confined. When a person departs from this world he will express Shukr (gratitude) and never wish to return.
When the time draws near to meet Allah Ta’aala (the time of death), the bounties of the hereafter are revealed to the dying person. If at that time the dying person is offered a life prolonging substance and is told that if you consume this you will live longer, he will angrily reject it and will wish that he dies immediately.
There was a foreign student who was affected by the plague. To pacify him people would tell him not to worry and grieve, for he will be cured. He would say in reply: “Don’t say that, for now I desire to meet Allah Ta’aala and at this very moment I am receiving the following glad tidings from Allah Ta’aala:
تَتَنَزَّلُ عَلَيْهِمُ الْـمَلائِكَةُ ألاّ تَخَافُوْا وَ لاَ تَحْزَنُوْا وَ اَبْشِرُوْا بِالْـجَنَّةِ الَّتِى كُنْتُمْ تُوْعَدُوْنَ َ
On them angels will descend (at the time of death) (saying): Fear you not, nor grieve! But receive the glad tidings of Jannah, which you have been promised. (Surah Fussilat)
Another example is when a ruler sends a proposal of ambassadorship to someone. When this person departs from his home his family will be grieved by his separation but he himself will be happy, eager and excited. Even if the ruler tells him that he may delay his departure by a few days, he will not be happy and will wish to depart immediately.
In the same manner, a person is not only informed of the bounties of the hereafter (at the time of death) but also sees it. He will never be pleased to remain in this world even if he is told to do so.
Friends! Desire that which is by Allah. It is because of this desire that the Ahlullah always remain in high spirits, they constantly desire the various boons of the Aakhirah. They are never grieved. In short, death is child’s play for the Ahlullah and they are preoccupied with it.
We should also adopt this attitude and condition. Instead of grief we should experience the desire for death.
An easy way to develop this desire is to ponder over these points I have mentioned. Inshaa Allah it will be a cure for grief and simultaneously the desire for the Aakhirah will be developed.
So, in the verse: مَا عِنْدَكم يَنْفَدُ وَ مَا عِنْدَ اللهِ بَاق Allah has given us this cure.
Subhaanallah! What an amazing cure! Meditate frequently that the pleasures and comforts of the Aakhirah are far more superior and much more than worldly comforts and also that the deceased have reached Allah. Meditate that it is better for the deceased to stay with Allah than to stay with us, for Allah loves him more than we can ever love him.
It is mentioned in a Hadeeth that the love of Allah Ta’ala for His servant is much more than the combined love and affection expressed by animals and mothers towards their offspring.
Although there is a possibility of the deceased receiving punishment in the Aakhirah, why should we think ill of our deceased and believe that they are receiving the punishment meted out to sinners? In accordance with this Hadeeth: سَبَقَتْ رَحْمَتِىْ عَلى غَضَبِىْ “My mercy has overtaken my wrath”, think well of the deceased. For him (the deceased) to receive this mercy make Du’aa for him and also Eesaal Thawaab (by giving charity, making Tilaawat, etc.) and sending the Thawaab to him.
This is more beneficial to the deceased than merely expressing our grief and sadness.
MALFOOZAAT ON ILM, ULAMA, MADAARIS