“It is He (Allah) Who has created man from water. Then He made you blood relationship and marriage relationship. And, Your Rabb is Most Powerful.”(Surah Furqaan, aayat 54)There are two kinds of sacred family ties: Ties by Blood (Blood–Relatives) and Ties by Marriage (In–Laws). Both sets of Ties are sacred bonds which come with numerous rights and obligations.The significance and importance of In–Lawsare borne out by this Qur’aanic verse. Despite its sanctity, this relationship created by marriage is generally and grossly abused. Prior to marriage, the parties exude love and affection and exchange many gifts. They visit each other, demonstrating great affection.
The nikah comes into being with much fanfare and hopes only to be shattered soon after marriage.The evil of the nafs fully asserts itself after the in–law relationship has been formerly established. When a girl has been proposed for marriage, the relationship between her and her future sisters–in–law and mother–in–law is exuberant and excellent. They behave as close blood relatives and inseparable bosom friends.
However, soon after marriage, the relationship deteriorates and reaches such a lamentable ebb that it would not be an exaggeration to liken them to cats and dogs.The newly created sacred ties have no meaning for the parties. Neither does the new arrival into the home have any sabr nor her in–laws. Sneering, sulking, pulled up faces, snide remarks and injustice by both parties become the order of their lives. The man is usually caught between the devil and the deep sea in these situations of mutual cat–and dog conflicts.Both parties should conduct themselves with intelligence and understand that when one person reacts stupidly, the other party should tolerate the stupidity and indiscretion. The slightest indiscretion or silly comment made by a female is viewed with consternation by the others. The faces become pulled up, sarcastic comments are made and the relationship turns sour. Yet, on reflection it will be found that there was no intelligent cause for despoiling the holy relationship and the happiness of the home.If the one party hears that the other party has gossiped about her, she should ignore it and convince herself that, ‘I too am guilty of gossiping’.
Overlook the indiscretion and pretend as if nothing has happened. It is callous and extremely unbecoming of Imaan to institute an investigation to determine the veracity of the story of gheebat which has been peddled by some mischief–maker. The intelligent Muslim who fears Allah Ta’ala overlooks drivel and nonsense.It is not permissible to behave as if one is sinless and that it is only the other party who sins. In any relationship there are bound to be ripples, turbulence and turmoil. But the one who has greater intelligence, adopts silence and pretends that nothing untoward has happened. In contrast the one whose brains are dense, and whose soul is tarnished with evil introduces hell into the home, and this ultimately leads to the total collapse of the in–law relationship and the marriage.When the problems of in–laws are examined, it will be found that inmost cases there is no valid cause for the animosity which had generated in the cat and dog war which generally dominates this sacred relationship.
It should be remembered that Allah Ta’ala has promoted the mother–in–law to the pedestal of mother, the daughter–in–law to the status of daughter, and the sisters–in–law to that of sisters. All rights and obligations applicable to parents, brothers and sisters apply to their counterparts in the in–law relationship.
The need is to fear Allah Ta’ala and to understand that the abuse of these rights and obligations are major sins for which there will be a reckoning and punishment in the Aakhirah.
Source – Awake