Marriage And Reconciliation
Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “The most detested of that which is permissible by Almighty Allah is divorce” (Reported by Abu Dawud and Ibn Majah).
Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: “Iblis places his throne upon the water, he then sends his cronies (to cause dissention); the nearer to him in rank are those who are more notorious in creating discord. One of them comes and says, I did such and such and he (shaitaan) says you have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says, I did not spare so and so until I caused separation between a husband and wife. The shaitaan goes near him and says, ‘You have done well’ and then embraces him” (Reported by Muslim).
Using the aforementioned Ahadith as our starting point, it becomes clear that every couple, nay every family, nay every community should strive towards preserving and promoting the sanctity of Nikah. They must refrain from such actions which are abhorred by our Creator, for verily our sole aim should be the pleasure of Allah Taala and therefore we should act in accordance to His Divine guidance.
Hence we find in the Holy Quran the following verse: “And reconciliation is the best” (Surah 4: Verse 128). Therefore as Muslims we should seek out means to reconcile and promote the concept of family units. Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) in various Ahadith mentions the rights of husbands over wives and rights of wives over husbands. Hence in making a marriage work where the husband is not happy with the wife the following steps are strongly advised as enshrined in the Holy Quran, Surah 4:Verses 34-35:
a) The husband should advise the wife about the issues or aspects he does not like.
b) The husband may then stop all conjugal relationship with his spouse if the advice did not help.
c) If the wife persists then he may beat her lightly (that is to ensure no scarring or damage occurs).
d) The fourth course of action is to call in arbitrators for both parties and let the matter be resolved through discussion.
However if all attempts to reconcile the couple fail, then the husband could exercise his right to divorce his wife. Furthermore the husband should again seek guidance from the Holy Quran, wherein Allah Taala states that give one or two talaaq so that they can reconcile in the future if they so wish (Surah 2: Verse 229).
Likewise if the wife is displeased with her spouse or her spouse is deviant she should take the following steps:
a) She should make every attempt to reconcile, and both parties may need to make certain sacrifices and compromises. For ref see: Surah 4: Verse 128.
b) If reconciliation is not possible then she should ask him to divorce her.
c) If he refuses to divorce her and they are unable to fulfil the commands of Almighty Allah and mutual obligations then she should strike an agreement by accepting to pay a ransom for her freedom from the marriage, this is known as khul’a.
d) Failing all the above steps, the Ulama and elders of the community may be approached to annul the marriage; this is known as fasakh.
In conclusion, the secret of a successful marriage is found in the following Prophetic prescriptions:
a) Increase salaam between the spouses
b) Shower each other with gifts
c) Share the same eating utensils
May Almighty Allah grant us the ability to fulfill the rights of the Creator and creation and to pray to Him and not prey on the creation.