The ‘Brother’-in-Law

Tides of disagreement & inquisitiveness emanated from her beady eyes as she unflinchingly stared towards me with disagreement & distaste.

My auntie was obviously not 100% happy with the idea of Muslim women practicing segregation from their brothers-in-law. I emphatically stressed that a Muslim woman should try her best to practice segregation from her brother-in-law, even if they live in the same home and even if he is years younger than her and  even if the sister-in-law sees him like her brother or son.  Baffled and perplexed, she hesitated at first then spoke with determination (obviously not agreeing with what I said), ‘I think that’s too extreme; a brother in law is like a brother!!?’

I decided to reply with words which outweigh the words I would have spoken out of my own accord, because they are the words of the Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him). I said ‘The Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him) said that,

Although clearly stunned and baffled by hearing this hadeeth, her face still showed signs of disagreement. This surprised me, as Allah [azza wa jall] has said in the Qur’aan, with regards to the Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him),

{Nor does He speak of (his own) desire.

It is Only an Inspiration that is inspired.}[1]

Just as she was going to have her round two, my husband called me, since it was getting late and it was time to go home.

I wondered whether having to go home was a blessing for me…

***

‘Uqba bin ‘Amir [RadhiAllahu a’nhu] narrated that the Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him) said,

A man from the Ansaar[2] said, “Allah’s Apostle! What about Al-Hamuw?” The Prophet replied, “The Hamuw is death.”[3]

In Arabic, the ‘Hamuw’ refers to ‘the husband’s brother or his relatives; for example, his paternal uncle’s son or his maternal uncle’s son.’[4] It can also refer to the sister’s husband.[5] Let’s quickly re-cap…

Hamuw means:

1. The Husband’s brother & male relatives.

2. The Sister’s Husband

Therefore, ‘Hamuw’ in Arabic has more of a general meaning than in English. In English the ‘brother-in-law’ refers specifically to the husband’s brother and does not include his relatives, such as his cousins or the children of his cousins. In English the phrase ‘brother-in-law’ only refers to the husband’s brother or the wife’s sister. It is important to keep in mind that in Arabic the term Hamuw refers also to the husband’s and wife’s cousins.

In Islaam the ‘Dhu Mahaarim (singular: Mahram)’ have been clearly defined; A Mahram is a woman’s husband or a man with whom that woman cannot marry at all according to Islaamic Jurisprudence. This can be due to blood relationship (such as father, son, brother, paternal uncle etc) or due to a foster relationship. For no other Non-Mahram has the Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him) used such clear and categorical wording of caution as he has for the brother-in-law. Even if our culture and traditions allow the mixing of a sister-in-law with her brother-in-law openly as if were her real brother, in Shari’ah (Islamic Law) the Hamuw is not considered a blood brother or like a blood brother. Therefore, the added ‘in-law’ in ‘brother–in–law’ is not referring to the Islaamic law.

Why the Similitude of ‘Death’?

From the words of the scholars (and some of my own contemplations) we learn some of the reasons as to why the Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him) referred to the brother-in-law as ‘death’:

• Just as a woman would run away from death, she should run away from mixing spending time and being in the presence of her brother-in law, as much as she possibly can.

• Just as death is inevitable, it is also inevitable that at times, due to the brother-in-laws strong relationship with the husband, a woman may be put in a situation with him in which seldom would she have to face with anyone else.

• His (i.e. the brother in law) coming near the wife of his brother resembles death in repulsiveness and mafsadah (cause of corruption & evil). Such as the brother-in-law may resemble her husband in looks and character or the sister-in-law may find her brother in law attractive, or vice verse. Such cases would be a cause of great problems arising; resulting in:

1. The marriage coming to an end, just as death brings an end to life.
2. Results in the death of her modesty and religiosity.
3. Resulting in her death metaphorically, when her husband’s protective jealousy (gheerah) leads him to divorcing her.
4. By her being stoned to death if she commits adultery with him.

• She should have caution with the Hamuw as you would have caution from death.

• Just as a person flees from death, it is incumbent that the husband flees from allowing entrance of his relatives upon his wife and his family which aren’t mahram to her.

We come to see how brief, concise and eloquent the words of the Prophet (prayers and peace be upon him) are. Every believing woman’s heart should fill with caution and she must take heed to this.