The Jum’ah Naseehat-The Noble Husband (Part One)

27 Jamadul-Ukhra 1433

18th May 2012

The Jumu’ah Naseehat

Bismillahir – Rahmaanir- Raheem

The Noble Husband (Part One)

All praises are due only unto Allah, Most High. Durood and Salaams be upon Sayadina Muhammed Sallallahu alyhi wasallam.

When asked about the behaviour of the Holy Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wasallam, Hadhrat ‘A’ishah radiallahu anha is reported to have replied: “He excelled all men in gentle speech, smiling countenance and cheerful temperament.” (Sahih Muslim Mawahib-ud-Dunya. Vol.1, p.293)

Only those who want true peace and tranquillity in their lives will appreciate the conduct of Nabi Sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Only those who have a deep yearning for meeting Allah Ta’ala will make a serious attempt to emulate Nabi Sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Only those who Fear the Great Reckoning of Qiyamah, will heed of the advice of Nabi Sallallahu alaihi wasallam. And only those whose hearts have been watered with the Thikr of Allah, Most High, will bear the fruits of the advices of Nabi Sallallahu alaihi wasallam.

Did Allah, Most High not inform us that:

Verily in the messenger of Allah you have a good example for those who yearn  for Allah and the last Day, and remember Allah much.”  (Holy Qur’an 33 : 21)

One divorce is too much. One confused child is a conscience on the entire Ummah. The   grief of one old-aged parent peels away the serene sleep of men who care.

Just as Nikaah is cemented by the words “Qabil-tuha” (I have accepted her), so too is a nikaah wrecked by the words: “I have given you Talaaq etc.”

One is a glorious moment of acceptance; the other is an awful moment of abject rejection.  Indeed, if ever a few words do change the tides of destiny, they are the words of Nikaah and Talaaq. Is it any wonder then when a Nikaah is performed, of the three Aayat that are recited, one pertains to speech. Thus, the groom is appropriately reminded of Allah’s command:

“O believers fear Allah and speak righteously”

The groom is exhorted to speak correctly, gently, tenderly and kindly so that his marriage may survive the tricks and traps of Shaytaan, the ebb and flow of difficulties and trials, and the somewhat unpredictable nature of his spouse.

Nabi Sallallahu alaihi wasallam has not compared a woman to glass (in fragility) for nothing. The hammer of harsh speech will crack the glass and all that eventually remain will be the shattered pieces which will pierce the joy of living until death.

Ask any wife how her heart burns and cries when her husband uses rough, demeaning and hurtful words when addressing her. Ask any wife how her heart feels when her husband screams, shouts and bellows at her. Ask any wife how she feels when she is blamed endlessly and ridiculed continuously and insulted incessantly. The husband feels he is at liberty to speak as he pleases when annoyed.

And yet, look at the noble conduct of the person whose Prophet hood we bear witness to in Athaan, Iqamah, in Salaah and in the very basic Shaahadah of our Imaan.

Gentle speech: The first quality described by Hadhrat ‘A’ishah radiallahu anha in the Hadith quoted is the gentle speech of Nabi Sallallahu alaihi wasallam.

He (Sallallahu alaihi wasallam) was gentle, o yes, so gentle was that he never raised his voice nor screamed at any of his wives  – this despite them at times offending him. Sometimes they wanted a larger stipend, at other times they gave vent to their jealousy due to their immense love for him. He saw, he listened and he smiled…again and again and again. They tired but not he – this man, Muhammed Sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Is it any wonder that the angles sent send Durood and Salaams upon him until the Day of Qiyamah!

Nabi Sallallahu alaihi wasallam rightfully expected the Ummah to follow his example. He feared the Ummah oppressing their wives.

Thus, in his farewell message, he advised and reminded all the husbands:

“0 People! Fear Allah with regard to your wives. You have taken them into your possession [marriage] with the permission of Allah.”

In short, what was he saying? He (Sallallahu alaihi wasallam) was saying that if you abuse your wife, it is a sign that you do not fear Allah. If you speak harshly and inconsiderately to her, it is a sign that you do not fear Allah. A husband who fears Allah will speak kindly to his wife. A husband who fears Allah will speak gently to his wife. A husband who fears Allah, will converse with tenderness with his wife. No matter what the situation may be, there simply is no licence for a Muslim husband to wield the sword of the tongue on the heart of a wife.

For a Muslim, a true Muslim, understands that he has only taken possession of his wife with Allah’s permission. For a true Muslim knows, that she and her heart are an Amaanah of Allah. And for a true Muslim understands that he will not live forever and Allah Most High, unto whom he will return, will most certainly question him with regards to His Amaanah.  She went into his temporary possession with the permission of Allah, he did not own her, he was merely supposed to be a keeper.

How strange is it not that with his friends the husband is as calm as a pond, but with his wife he is a raging angry ocean. How strange is it not that with his friends he is a mountain of tolerance but with his wife, he is as furious as a wounded lion. How strange is it not that with his friends he is as kind as a kitten but with the one that bore him his children he is as cruel as a bitter cucumber.

Gentle speech: a few kind words; a tender tone; a soft pitch – So precious, yet treated so worthless. So important, yet so neglected. So simple, yet so rare.  Even a dog does not like to be shouted at. Gentle speech indicates concern, it gives of a fragrance of care, it is the sign of a compassionate heart, it is the glue of love. When there is no compassion in speech from where will the heart find its radiance to glow with love. Where will a marriage succeed?

(Insha-Allah, after the next issue of the noble husband, we will deal with the subject of the noble wife)